A little treat for you before you head home - why not jazz up your season ticket like Miriam Elia did?
Ladbroke grove, 7:30pm
Here's a few ideas on how to make your journey home that bit more fun...
1. When you get home, have a loved one or pet wrap a tinfoil cape around you and check your time against a 'personal best'.
2. Put on a top hat as you leave and and sturdily announce: "Yes! I take your challenge, and I shall go home in... eighty days?"
3. Get friends to let off flashbulbs as you step out onto the pavement, shielding your eyes. Later complain about them to Martin Bashir.
4. Arrange for James May and Richard Hammond to race you home in rocket cars made out of old dialysis machines to prove something or other.
5. Don't go home. Build a den under your desk and live on instant coffee and tippex, slowly going mad, but you'll show them! You'll show them! They won't break you with their engineering work and their Spring Timetable alterations! You shall win! When you win, award yourself a prize of some instant coffee and tippex.
Good luck! And good night.
Wednesday, 23 April 2008
Text map of Britain
In the spirit of St George's Day, we asked you to send in why you thought your town was the most English. Here are the results:
Cartoon fun
Will from wrongboy.com sent us this little image based on the story about pregnant ladies:
We liked it so much we asked him to draw something to illustrate an idea we received from Catie Wilkins, about the designer McDonalds uniforms:
Thanks to both!
We liked it so much we asked him to draw something to illustrate an idea we received from Catie Wilkins, about the designer McDonalds uniforms:
Thanks to both!
More tea?
Teaboy Wil Hodgson has been allowed to put the urn down and answer some more of your questions.
Marc Whiteley asked:
Simon Mayhew-Archer asked:
Wil: No it was in fact invented by his 'Question Of Sport' co-bore Bill Beaumont.
Madeline Brettingham asked:
Wil: Boy racers don't scare me. Clarkson's all right wing automobile fixated bluster and no trousers. I wish there was some way of surgically making him French.
Nicholas Searle asked:
Wil: It would be a tie between boxing and darts as these are the only two sports that don't make me physically sick.
Keep your eyes peeled for Wil's video response to your questions - appearing here soon.
Marc Whiteley asked:
"Why does Lapsang Souchong taste so horrible?"Wil: I don't know what kind of fancy schmancy beverages you think I cart around matey. I've never heard of this bizarrely named thing that I presume to be tea of some sort but I'm sure that my budget wouldn't cover it.
Simon Mayhew-Archer asked:
"Did Ian Botham invent St George's Day?"
Wil: No it was in fact invented by his 'Question Of Sport' co-bore Bill Beaumont.
Madeline Brettingham asked:
"I hear you once served Jeremy Clarkson herbal tea. What happened?"
Wil: Boy racers don't scare me. Clarkson's all right wing automobile fixated bluster and no trousers. I wish there was some way of surgically making him French.
Nicholas Searle asked:
"What is your favourite sport and why?"
Wil: It would be a tie between boxing and darts as these are the only two sports that don't make me physically sick.
Keep your eyes peeled for Wil's video response to your questions - appearing here soon.
IS YOUR TOWN THE MOST ENGLISH?
C'mon we NEED to know why St George would be most proud of your town. Let us know why your town is the most 'English'?
Tag Cloud Response to Your Prescott Posts
Okay, taking your comments to my post about John Prescott into account, here's a graphical representation of the words most commonly used:
Well done everyone involved.
Well done everyone involved.
Video response (part 2)
Wil answers a few more questions, including ones about making cups of tea for BBC personalities, and the thorny subject of McDonalds uniforms.
How do you do jokes Mr Prescott?
It's the question everyone's asking!
Comedy relies on consensus. If nobody else thinks that people from Wiltshire lay eggs, you'll die on your bum doing gags about those nest-squatting goons from Devizes.
It used to be easy. The Irish were daft, mothers-in-law were fat. Job done. Everyone who wasn't Irish or a mother-in-law laughed and we were all a bit bigoted and unfair. It'd be nice to think that we'd moved on.
John Prescott's admission of bulimia was meant to give his forthcoming memoir a till-friendly whiff of tragedy: one man crumbling like a Hobnob under the pressures of public life. Instead, because it came from topical comedy's fat-kid designate, it played into the cruel gagcensus that drives many people to eating disorders in the first place.
"Yaroo!" the papers and the bloggers howled as one. "Look at Tubby Prescott! He's got a disease like a girl!"
Jane Moore in today's Sun accompanies a playground-level insult that's taken her two days to think up with a stock image of Star Wars' very own Rowland Browning Jabba the Hutt.
Whatever the reasons for Prescott's sudden admission, what message does this bullying of the fat kid send to people fighting eating disorders? That dangerous eating is okay as long as you throw up enough to look great in a bikini?
Hey everybody! Stephen Hawking's got a wheelchair! Jeremy Beadle had one small hand! John Prescott's been sick from buns!
And that's how you do jokes.
What do you think? Agree or disagree? What are your reactions to John's announcement?
Comedy relies on consensus. If nobody else thinks that people from Wiltshire lay eggs, you'll die on your bum doing gags about those nest-squatting goons from Devizes.
It used to be easy. The Irish were daft, mothers-in-law were fat. Job done. Everyone who wasn't Irish or a mother-in-law laughed and we were all a bit bigoted and unfair. It'd be nice to think that we'd moved on.
John Prescott's admission of bulimia was meant to give his forthcoming memoir a till-friendly whiff of tragedy: one man crumbling like a Hobnob under the pressures of public life. Instead, because it came from topical comedy's fat-kid designate, it played into the cruel gagcensus that drives many people to eating disorders in the first place.
"Yaroo!" the papers and the bloggers howled as one. "Look at Tubby Prescott! He's got a disease like a girl!"
Jane Moore in today's Sun accompanies a playground-level insult that's taken her two days to think up with a stock image of Star Wars' very own Rowland Browning Jabba the Hutt.
Whatever the reasons for Prescott's sudden admission, what message does this bullying of the fat kid send to people fighting eating disorders? That dangerous eating is okay as long as you throw up enough to look great in a bikini?
Hey everybody! Stephen Hawking's got a wheelchair! Jeremy Beadle had one small hand! John Prescott's been sick from buns!
And that's how you do jokes.
What do you think? Agree or disagree? What are your reactions to John's announcement?
Video response (part 1)
Trusty teaboy Wil Hodgson has been receiving your questions and comments all day, and has this to say.
The Englishist Quiz Ever!
It's St George's Day, and we thought this was as good a day as any to test your Englishness. Try out our quick quiz to see just how patriotic these famous Englishmen (and women) are.
Tell us your results in the comments form below.
Tell us your results in the comments form below.
Question Time
Some answers to the questions you've been sending today's office teaboy Wil...
Questions from Andrew Wallace:
Wil: With breast milk and 12 sugars.
Question from Neal Doran:
Wil: I wouldn't puff them up at all if Alan Sugar couldn't deal with me being a humble tea boy I'd give him a face full of boiling hot Bovril, 70s football hooligan style.
Question from Simon:
Wil: When I was a kid I never climbed trees, rode bikes, gave people dead legs for reading books or any other 'boy' stuff so you're asking the wrong bloke.
Question from Ben Sleep:
Wil: The job of tea boy at the Beeb has always been a hazardous one. My predecessor was horribly injured in the mid 1980s when he was thrown into a vat of white hot Darjeeling by an enraged Gordon The Gopher. There was a man who pissed in the wrong Gopher's cuppa let me tell you.
Check back here at 3pm for more of Wil's answers on video.
Questions from Andrew Wallace:
"How does Jonathan Ross have his tea?"
Wil: With breast milk and 12 sugars.
"How long do you have to make tea before you become famous?"Wil: My predecessor made tea until he was 105 years old and the closest he came to fame was when he was arrested and charged with molesting the Blue Peter tortoise.
Question from Neal Doran:
"How would you 'puff up' your teaboy duties if you were on The Apprentice?"
Wil: I wouldn't puff them up at all if Alan Sugar couldn't deal with me being a humble tea boy I'd give him a face full of boiling hot Bovril, 70s football hooligan style.
Question from Simon:
"What can we learn from climbing trees?"
Wil: When I was a kid I never climbed trees, rode bikes, gave people dead legs for reading books or any other 'boy' stuff so you're asking the wrong bloke.
Question from Ben Sleep:
"As someone at the bottom of the ladder how do you feel about the revelations regarding lack of safety for tea boys in the work place?"
Wil: The job of tea boy at the Beeb has always been a hazardous one. My predecessor was horribly injured in the mid 1980s when he was thrown into a vat of white hot Darjeeling by an enraged Gordon The Gopher. There was a man who pissed in the wrong Gopher's cuppa let me tell you.
Check back here at 3pm for more of Wil's answers on video.
Thanks for everything we've received so far...
Dr Mark Sloan has a suggestion for a new doll:
While J. Warry of Tooting has this to say:
Keep refreshing the blog to see all the comments coming in, and make sure you return after 3pm, when we'll be posting a video response from Wil Hodgson.
Introducing the all-new John Prescott doll; feed it anything and watch him sick it all up half an hour later. Comes with your choice of pork pie or lard.
While J. Warry of Tooting has this to say:
Interesting to see the Hitler Doll story. Maybe the ill-fated Jade Goody Tamagotchi will finally make it onto the shelves?
Keep refreshing the blog to see all the comments coming in, and make sure you return after 3pm, when we'll be posting a video response from Wil Hodgson.
Klaus Barbie
If it sells, regardless of taste, someone will make it.
So it's not surprising that a Ukrainian firm is considering selling a Hitler action figure. Ach! Think of the children!
Since Der Fuehrer is about as recognisable to the current nothing-happened-before-I-was-born generation as Gracie Fields, we can safely assume this dolly isn't aimed at kids, Ukrainian or otherwise, but rather at a demographic more interested in outrageously piercing impossible bits of their bodies ("Look, mum! I've done my lap!?").
Children are protected from such naked gonk-shilling.
Concerned that the slightest teatime glimpse of a Dalek voice-changing helmet will make kids raid the kitchen drawer and march parents to the toy shop at the point of a corkscrew, advertising toys to children is carefully controlled. But does anyone think of the dolly geeks?
The twenty-four hour news loop telling black-bedroomed loners that there's a Master Race playset is like pushing a five-year old's nose against the Argos window and promising Buzz Lightyear's inside.
Every time this news story runs, foam appears on the lips of people still hung up on shocking their mum, and the eBay value of a Ukrainian Action Fuehrer skyrockets.
The real question is should the media be running an advert for a product that's actually about as shocking as Marilyn Manson, and as inevitable as weather?
Here are some other doll examples we found on the web:
Send in your suggestions for others to glee@bbc.co.uk or using the comments form below.
Good morning!
Some of the stories that caught our eye this morning are...
McDonalds to have designer uniforms made.
New Hitler doll available in the Ukraine (includes different outfits and detachable... - fill in the blank!)
It's St George's Day - but where is England's most patriotic town?
And after her win last night in the Pennsylvania primary, we have exclusive footage of Hillary Clinton's celebratory bash:
Any better ideas?
McDonalds to have designer uniforms made.
New Hitler doll available in the Ukraine (includes different outfits and detachable... - fill in the blank!)
It's St George's Day - but where is England's most patriotic town?
And after her win last night in the Pennsylvania primary, we have exclusive footage of Hillary Clinton's celebratory bash:
Any better ideas?
Tuesday, 22 April 2008
Welcome!
On WEDS APRIL 23 we are piloting a brand new topical BLOG format for a new BBC Comedy website.
Our guest BLOGGER Joel Morris will be focusing on the day's most pressing issues, but we want your responses, ideas and - if you think you can better him - jokes.
Go over to Glee News for a more focused look at the news from BLOGGER Alan Connor.
Our guest BLOGGER Joel Morris will be focusing on the day's most pressing issues, but we want your responses, ideas and - if you think you can better him - jokes.
Go over to Glee News for a more focused look at the news from BLOGGER Alan Connor.
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